2011 is here

And on Twitter and Facebook people seemed to hate 2010,
particularly birds who didn't have much success with men,
here's an idea - don't worry yourself,
finding men online must be bad for your health.

2011 for me has been a little bit slow,
for instance I am currently watching Antiques Roadshow,
I promise this is not my life from now on,
although every night drinking has probably gone!

One news item this year has turned Steve Jobs' face red,
as anyone that owns an Iphone struggled to get out of bed,
apparently the alarm doesn't work this year,
Apple advice - if you have work next day then don't have a beer.

Also I hear that Michael Jackson's televised autopsy has been canned,
to be honest I can't even believe it was planned,
I hope the knives they would use would be pretty thick,
as that will be needed for all the plastic!

Back after the Xmas break

And now it seems I have a following in the East,
Well definitely in Russia and Israel at least,
guess this means I need to censor the next joke,
I don't want to end up like that poisoned bloke,
you know the one who turned yellow in bed,
all because of something he said.

So have enjoyed Xmas with the missus and kids,
plus a couple of wins by the mighty Yids,
and of course the Ashes win last night was immense,
although it made a certain Aussie captain rather tense.

And it seems we have had 300 people read this page,
in Croatia rhymingbloke is all the rage,
the thing is with blogging i'm really not sure,
at which point I can announce a world tour.

Some poetry snobs have accused me of being crass,
please piss off and stick your head up your ass,
I didn't do this to become the poet laureate,
and I have no interest in being some twat's mate.

From tomorrow I will try to get back to a daily post,
maybe some current affairs or things that I hate the most,
like when someone uses the last of the milk,
and other annoyances of that ilk.

And the world stops....

Still in the news talk is of the snow,
especially at London Heathrow,
planes have been grounded with no chance of flight,
yet a league 2 football match was alright?

The amount of money that BAA make,
surely Heathrow shouldn't be a frozen lake,
underfloor heating is now available at home for you,
perhaps BAA should pop down B&Q?!

In other news, Tevez decided to stay,
apparently Manchester is now OK,
to be honest I understand why he feels like a whore,
earning £200k a week must be such a chore.....

I'm back

Apologies that I haven't blogged in a while,
the reason why will make women smile,
on Monday my other half gave birth,
just in time for me to watch the Ashes in Perth!

To go with our girl we now have a son,
believe me this is now the last one,
labour is horrible, we both agree,
admittedly worse for her than for me.

"It's the most beautiful thing" said a friend,
No way, say I, it's a means to an end,
when you get a baby that's the only good bit,
once they've been cleaned of the blood and the shit!

The end product is a bundle of joy,
in our case a handsome little boy,
all he does is eat and don't sleep too well,
yet still has us all under a spell.

That's a bit of a soppy blog for me,
let's have a go at being manly,
crickets not really going so great,
we will win the series, I believe it's our fate.

Most footy games called off for the snow,
crappy white stuff just annoys me you know,
can't get out the house for fear of falling,
even though I hear the pub calling.

Ok that's me, sure there are nappies to change,
had poo's that are green, black, brown - the whole range,
its when they get older that nappies are a hoot,
our girl now craps out whole pieces of fruit!

Writers block....

Sunday morning and I'm struggling to write,
Nothing much annoyed me last night,
X Factor almost over - thank god for that,
getting so bored with the same old chat.

It was on TV, Radio and Twitter all day,
and whilst I'm sure the acts are probably OK,
someone will win and for a week they're all we'll hear,
but then you won't see them again for a year!

Strictly Come Dancing - now there's a good show,
If I became famous I could win that you know,
You should see me in town when on the dancefloor,
people often ask "Is that Strictly on tour?"

Celebrity to end them all....

There's a man like marmite, you know love or hate,
personally I can't help but think he is great,
he holds a special place in my heart,
and has stormed Germany's music chart.

The man I refer to isn't a chav or a toff,
he's in a class of his own - the one called The Hoff,
I'm not sure how he got to this name,
his brains must be behind his fame.

In Baywatch he's ripped, in Knightrider cool,
How good if he were your friend at school?
you would've known he would turn out a star,
who would gain fame for talking to a car.

In other news, lets mention those who don't pay tax,
once again yesterday launched vicious attacks,
this time the future king felt the force,
another non tax payer of course.

I am not pro-royal but I do think it's cruel,
these kids who definitely should've been at school,
I wonder today how proud they are,
basically attacked a poor old bloke's car!

The Apprentice......

Lord Alan Sugar, in your decisions I have trust,
but as a fellow human being I feel that I must,
ask what the hell were you playing at,
when last night you refused to fire the prat?!

Stuart Baggs, the brand, jesus what a jerk,
can you imagine seeing him every day at work?
Lord Sugar can you see him being one of your cronies,
do you have any particular need for a field of ponies?

In other news a story that this morning made me smile,
recently I got on Twitter and have only been on there a while,
I am now following Kev Pietersen and Shane Warne,
both of whom have been on the news this cold English morn.

Warney has organised a car for KP,
nothing flash, just a Lamborghini,
by all accounts Kev was driving a tad quick,
and Aussie police have made his wallet less thick