A new look

Today was the day that I reduced the mane,
that's right my hair was going insane,
combine it with a tache and some speedos,
I wouldn't look out of place with some paedos!

Luckily the barber I know is a mate,
because one thing that I really hate,
I always end up saying something as if in a nightmare,
like "what do Italians do when they're not cutting hair?"

Anyway I'm off to watch Spanish football with James,
el clasico, one of my favourite games,
watching it with one of favourite men,
a stud like Bristols very own Sven

Brrrrrrrrr

Seriously really fed up with the cold,
goes right through to my bones, I feel so old,
went walking yesterday, next time I'll pass,
lost count how many times I ended up on my ass.

Worst thing about weather when it's extreme like this,
the thing that really does take the piss,
is people who start whinging and try placing fault,
like it wouldn't be this bad if Councils had salt.

Admittedly the roads are a bit of a mess,
but nothing councils can do would make it snow less,
then you get people who blame the human race,
for ruining the layer between us and space.

There's a hole in the ozone and it's the end of the earth,
that does concern me for what it's worth,
however let's put this into perspective,
there's only so much we can do retrospective.

It is what it is, we are where we are,
we know now not to buy a big car,
and whilst I am sure that all scary facts are right,
it doesn't help my current dose of frostbite.

I am ever so sorry I have gone off track,
the point I wanted to make a few verses back,
was please don't take offence if I leave you alone,
I am just too cold to stand there and have a moan

Still don't believe me?

There's a bloke that I know who's a decent guy,
but when I mentioned I blogged he thought I was telling a lie,
I tried to convince him I was telling the truth,
but I think he thought I was far too uncouth.

Technically my poetry may not be the best,
I can't be a student as I don't have time to protest,
but I want to write about my life and current affairs,
it doesn't matter to me if no-body cares.

People tell you their whole life on facebook,
you can find a persons shoe size if you look,
if you would prefer a Twitter style news feed,
I suggest you look elsewhere for your read.

In other news I stayed up until 1 in the morn,
and got out of bed at the crack of dawn,
as The Ashes are played at an unreasonable time,
but missing the first day would be a crime.

I don't know...

I just published a blog with no words,
which for someone who constantly wants to be heard,
is not one of my desired outcomes,
you can blame this on my fat thumbs.

That's right don't blame me, blame the phone that I use,
with buttons so small I never get the letter I choose,
they should invent a phone that's only for men,
I suggest the return of the 3210.

Now there was a phone that was sturdy, secure,
couldn't take pics and web access to poor,
so you can send texts just by making your phone shake?
so what, you will never beat my top score on Snake.

Average Mondays - Boomtown Rats less well known hit

Monday's the day most people despise,
from the minute they open their still hungover eyes,
some people moan on Twitter or Facebook,
can't see anything worse no matter how hard they look.

Me, I'm impartial, I don't have a view,
whilst it may matter immensely to you,
to me it's no different to the day before or the next,
now let's put that into some context.

If I have a Sunday where I drink and I smoke,
the next day at work is of course a joke,
if I have a weekend of chores and everyday life,
Monday's time away from the trouble and strife!

Sunday papers all read the same

One news article I'm beginning to hate,
is the royal wedding of William and Kate,
all I've heard of for the last 5 days,
is how this is good for the country in so many ways,

It is a nice thing when anyone wants to get wed,
but as our country is already in red,
I hope they opt for a low key affair,
but a royal wedding in the local pub would be rare.

In other news my daughter is beginnging to speak,
will now have a new word every week,
it now means I have to watch when I say,
so I am learning to swear in a different way,
shit becomes poo and piss becomes wee,
if I say any worse than god help me!

Cider - Not medically prescribed

So it turns out that with a bout of man flu,
cider is definitely not the best cure for you,
I thought the content of apples may act as a cure,
ok, it seems my medical knowledge is poor.

I am up early mainly due to excitement,
today Spurs play who we mostly resent,
Arsenal, the Gunners, the most hated of foes,
why people support them God only knows.

This weekend will be quiet I expect,
especially as it's cold, windy and wet,
I think I will stay indoors and try to relax,
probably just moan about the weather and tax.

TFI Friday

So here is Friday, the greatest day,
when you can wave the week away,
of all week long this is my fave,
when I used to go and get drunk at a rave

As it currently stands I feel bloody old,
sat on my couch nursing a cold,
don't worry ravers I will still have fun,
watching children in need on BBC one.

I'm all for the cause of Children in Need,
but are all the presenters high on speed?!
Chatting complete crap until 3 in the morn,
when most people are watching channel 5 porn!

Anyway off to put my kid in the bath,
I know you're thinking his lifes such a laugh,
believe me it gets better than this,
tomorrow I'm taking my nan on the piss

The beginning

I have decided to write a blog in rhyme,
beats trying to be funny all of the time,
or blogging about careers, pets or your wife,
and other menial things in our life.

I will try and update this blog every day,
please don't be concerned if I have gone away,
it simply means I have better things to do,
than sit at my desk to try and amuse you.

I must dash now for my sanity's sake,
and to munch down on a pasta bake,
fear not I shall return in the morrow,
and I promise to bring joy not sorrow.